I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
