ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
