HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
