she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Come share oat with me in your robe
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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