well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
