I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
