dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
