I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize