I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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