i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
