I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
