well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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