It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
