Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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