I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
