that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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