he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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