If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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