she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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