Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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