I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
