if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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