my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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