I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
