I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
