if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
