good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
