Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
