it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
