I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
