Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
