the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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