The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
