I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
