i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
