Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
