the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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