Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
