Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
