i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
