just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
