final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
