this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
