I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
