i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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