with your own penis?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
