You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
