Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
