Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
