last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You left your phone here
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